So my little blog today is about relationships, to be more specific gay relationships. Myself and Marc have been together nearly 5 years and any gay couples or singles we meet are shocked, and it surprises me but also kind of upsets me a bit. A relationship heterosexual or homosexual is built on trust, monogamy and honesty. But for so many young gay couples a relationship is about everything being a rush. Why is it that when you meet someone very quickly it becomes about this is the one, we are moving in together, we are buying a dog, we are going on a three week holiday and then BOOM its all over? I must be honest and totally honest, when me and Marc first started dating I was the one that was rushing and Marc was always saying to me it's not a sprint think of it as a marathon and not that I would ever admit this to him as his ego is big enough but he was right! We have so many friends between us that we always get the same reaction "wow really, thats a long time" and I never know if they mean wow thats long to be putting up with me or wow thats a long time in gay years.
Don't misunderstand me I'm not saying we are the longest relationship in the world but i just haven't come across many long term gay relationships, and when i do i love listening to the stories they tell of how long they have been together, how they met, who asked who out & the biggest question i always ask is whats made you stay together for so long and the most often reply is "because we love each other" (makes me melt every time, to be honest i am a bit of a big softie not that i tell people that).
For me the Gay Scene in London especially is so incestuous everyone knows everyone, if your in the latest outfit or hanging out in the latest venue or keeping up appearances then you slide down the scale of popularity if you dont meet the above criteria. Maybe I'm over cynical but that is the way I see it.
I have been out with one friend in particularly whom shall remain nameless for the purpose of this, but we have been a many a time (social relaxed and for any one that doesn't get that i mean drunk) and we have to hide or pretend we are in depth discussions because he has spotted an X now I'm not calling him a sleep about, but and often he doesn't, but he has kissed a fair few frogs to find his prince lets put it that way. Then I have another dear friend who constantly chews my ear off about finding someone and having the cuddles and watching Eastenders with hot chocolate and goodies (oh hold the phone girls I know I'm living dangerously). Then my empathetic tone comes out of the repeated line "chin up you will find someone, you just haven't found the right one" his reply "All they want is sex why does no one want to commit?". This Ladies and Gents is an age old question and I'm not calling my self the oracle but lets take this example and brake it down....... First we had Gaydar it served it purpose now the wonderful clever app people have created a stream of Gay "Dating Apps" Grindr, Scruff, Plenty of Fish ( I know its not gay, its for everyone). So these wonderful apps are great for getting people talking whom may not normally talk to each other may be because of nerves or just that normal day to day life wouldn't have allowed paths to cross, But when your profile says "Looking for a gym buddy" we all know its not exercise thats on your mind is it, well not gym exercises any way. Then you have the fabulous Torso Pictures with the head line of "Looking for a Relationship" (really!, you don't walk in to a bar and introduce your self with a headless torso so why do it on this? So now I have given you my wonderful overture of Grindr and all good hookup I mean dating sites let me continue. When with my friend in question we sit we drink (coffee) and then the phone comes out and Grindr comes on then we mess around looking at some of the madness people put on and then I look at his profile oh dear lord, HE IS A HEADLESS TORSO with the headline LOOKING FOR MR RIGHT. Ok now i turn in to Mumma D listen sweetness you are not going to find right if this is the foot you're starting on, a nice simple clear picture of your face is a start not sending a picture of your anatomy then followed by HUNG? come on give me strength why! if you want to date and make a connection that is deeper and longer than a quick afternoon special cuddle, then don't start by having a provocative picture and enticing men that are on the prowl. I know I'm making these apps and some users of the apps out to be these evil sex pests but I know plenty of people whom have met and gone on to have long term happy relationships because of them. What I'm saying is that after my long tangent is that we our selfs are the ones that control what message we send out, if you chose to put a half naked picture of your self up saying mates and dates i don't think prince charming is coming in on a horse to rescue you from the block button, but if you make it clear that you are not looking for a quick hook up, but more of a steady paced thing then as they say slowly slowly catchy monkey ( i don't know why they say that).
Much Love D x
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