The fight for the freedom of Gay men to be able to Give Blood

So yesterday I was lucky enough to be invited to the House of Lords to be apart of a big discussion hosted by a group called freedom to donate about the right for Gay men to be able to donate blood. Most people can give blood. As long as they are fit and healthy, weigh over 7 stone 12 lbs (50kg) and are aged between 17 and 66 (up to 70 if you have given blood before) you should be able to give blood. If you are over 70, you need to have given blood in the last two years to continue donating. However, If you are female, aged under 20 years old and weigh under 65kg (10st 3lb) and are under 168cm (5' 6") in height, they will need to estimate your blood volume before donating.
Did you know that 9%of donors live in Greater London and 7,000 units of blood are used to treat a range of health issues including cancer, A&E incidents and maternity care. You may not be able to donate blood if:-
you have had a serious illness or major surgery in the past
you have had complicated dental work (it is safe to donate blood 24 hours after having a filling or seven days after a simple extraction)
you have recently come into contact with an infectious disease
you have had certain immunisations within the last four weeks
you are currently on a hospital waiting list, or waiting to have tests
You should not give blood if:
you have a chesty cough, sore throat or an active cold sore
you are taking antibiotics or have finished a course of antibiotics in the last seven days
you are pregnant or have given birth in the last six months
you have had hepatitis A or jaundice in the last 12 months
you have had a tattoo, semi-permanent make up or any sort of body piercing in the last four months
a member of your immediate family has had Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) – a rare condition that affects the nervous system and causes brain damage
you have had acupuncture in the last four months, unless this was done within the NHS or by a qualified healthcare professional registered with a statutory body
you have received human pituitary extract (a substance used in some growth hormone and fertility treatments before 1985)
you have received blood during the course of a medical treatment or procedure since 1980
You should not donate blood for 12 months after having sex with:
a commercial sex worker
someone who has injected drugs
someone who has haemophilia (a condition that stops your blood from clotting normally) or another type of blood disorder that required clotting factor treatment
someone who has been sexually active in parts of the world where HIV and AIDS are common – such as sub-Saharan Africa
a man who has had oral or anal sex with another man (if you are female)
a man (if you are male) – with or without a condom
You should never donate blood if you have ever:
had HIV
had hepatitis C
had syphilis
had human t-lymphotropic virus (HTLV)
injected yourself with drugs
worked as a commercial sex worker
As you can the list extensive but the point of yesterday's meeting was that any blood that is donated has to be extensively tested before it is used. Even now many people whom have a relative or loved one in hospital who need to have a blood transfusion for what ever reason still donate blood but can still lie on the question air but times have moved on and so has technology for blood to be tested to make sure it is safe to use. Ruth Hunt director of LGBT charity stonewall made a great speech about how we as gay men should have the right to take responsibility for our sexual actions and be trusted to declare or honest sexual health status. Join to campaign for the right to donate for information visit http://www.freedomtodonate.co.uk

Life and the legacy we leave

Hi Guys & Girls,

So slightly profound topic but have you ever given any thort to what your legacy would be when you pass? I hadn't really not until a week or so ago me and Marc where having one of many Indepth conversations about life and so on and he said something that has resonated with me. He writes music and sings as well as keeping London moving ( his a train driver ) and he said to me that he wants his songs to be his legacy, and I suddenly thort what have I got to leave behind when I go, or what do I want to be remembered for?. Well ever since that conversation that I can't get out of my head I really have given it some time to go round my very simple mind and I really can't put my finger on anything imperticular. For a lot of heterosexual people children are the legacy they leave behind, for high powered business men and women the companies they have created are the mark of thier time on this earth. 

You may ask do we need to leave a legacy and I guess the answer is no, we don't have to. We can leave our foot prints in so many other ways such as the friendships we build, the peers we surround our selfs with, the social outings we go on and pictures we leave behind. 

It has all really got me thinking that by being a Gay man I don't have children in my life that will carry on my family name or grow a business that I have created or even be influenced by the upbringing I have given them. 

We are lucky in a sence that the birth of Google and social media has given us ways to put parts of self out into the world, for Marc his music will still be floating around the World Wide Web even when he goes. But for me a hair cut I give someone will grow out in 6 weeks, the make up I do will be washed off that night.

I don't feel that my life has no meaning if I don't leave anything behind but it is a nice thort almost comforting to know that when I pass I will have something possivitve that I can leave. 

My self and Marc as well as being together in a relationship have started our own business called Wigz on Wheelz and it is a mobile medicle wig service for people undergoing medicle treatment or gender reassignment, but before this I was managing the salon in Selfridges and was the wig specialist in the salon. I used to and still do see clients on a daily basis that are facing the possibility of death, and the feeling I get from that is undiscrible. Seeing a person Infront of me who is losing their hair is horrible I wish I could make them better and take the pain away but it's well beyond the powers of my scissors. But I can do is be a small part of their life in helping them keep their identity. 

For so many of us if we know it or not hair is apart of our identity and how we can express our selfs easily and for various reasons this can be taken away from us. Being a hairdresser my hair has been every colour & style going so I have always used my hair as an extension of my characteristic. 

So I guess what I'd like to believe is that the legacy I could one day leave behind is that I have been apart of people's life when they have needed someone to help them feel like them again. I'm not saying I'm self important and people will be externally greatful and remember me for eternity. But just knowing I have been able to give someone their identity back or help them feel like them again, that is enough for me.

Much Love D

Relationships in Gay Years and the dawn of Grindr

Hi Guys and Girls,

So my little blog today is about relationships, to be more specific gay relationships. Myself and Marc have been together nearly 5 years and any gay couples or singles we meet are shocked, and it surprises me but also kind of upsets me a bit. A relationship heterosexual or homosexual is built on trust, monogamy and honesty. But for so many young gay couples a relationship is about everything being a rush. Why is it that when you meet someone very quickly it becomes about this is the one, we are moving in together, we are buying a dog, we are going on a three week holiday and then BOOM its all over? I must be honest and totally honest, when me and Marc first started dating I was the one that was rushing and Marc was always saying to me it's not a sprint think of it as a marathon and not that I would ever admit this to him as his ego is big enough but he was right! We have so many friends between us that we always get the same reaction "wow really, thats a long time" and I never know if they mean wow thats long to be putting up with me or wow thats a long time in gay years.

Don't misunderstand me I'm not saying we are the longest relationship in the world but i just haven't come across many long term gay relationships, and when i do i love listening to the stories they tell of how long they have been together, how they met, who asked who out & the biggest question i always ask is whats made you stay together for so long and the most often reply is "because we love each other" (makes me melt every time, to be honest i am a bit of a big softie not that i tell people that).

For me the Gay Scene in London especially is so incestuous everyone knows everyone, if your in the latest outfit or hanging out in the latest venue or keeping up appearances then you slide down the scale of popularity if you dont meet the above criteria. Maybe I'm over cynical but that is the way I see it.

I have been out with one friend in particularly whom shall remain nameless for the purpose of this, but we have been a many a time (social relaxed and for any one that doesn't get that i mean drunk) and we have to hide or pretend we are in depth discussions because he has spotted an X now I'm not calling him a sleep about, but and often he doesn't, but he has kissed a fair few frogs to find his prince lets put it that way. Then I have another dear friend who constantly chews my ear off about finding someone and having the cuddles and watching Eastenders with hot chocolate and goodies (oh hold the phone girls I know I'm living dangerously). Then my empathetic tone comes out of the repeated line "chin up you will find someone, you just haven't found the right one" his reply "All they want is sex why does no one want to commit?". This Ladies and Gents is an age old question and I'm not calling my self the oracle but lets take this example and brake it down....... First we had Gaydar it served it purpose now the wonderful clever app people have created a stream of Gay "Dating Apps" Grindr, Scruff, Plenty of Fish ( I know its not gay, its for everyone). So these wonderful apps are great for getting people talking whom may not normally talk to each other may be because of nerves or just that normal day to day life wouldn't have allowed paths to cross, But when your profile says "Looking for a gym buddy" we all know its not exercise thats on your mind is it, well not gym exercises any way. Then you have the fabulous Torso Pictures with the head line of "Looking for a Relationship" (really!, you don't walk in to a bar and introduce your self with a headless torso so why do it on this? So now I have given you my wonderful overture of Grindr and all good hookup I mean dating sites let me continue. When with my friend in question we sit we drink (coffee) and then the phone comes out and Grindr comes on then we mess around looking at some of the madness people put on and then I look at his profile oh dear lord, HE IS A HEADLESS TORSO with the headline LOOKING FOR MR RIGHT. Ok now i turn in to Mumma D listen sweetness you are not going to find right if this is the foot you're starting on, a nice simple clear picture of your face is a start not sending a picture of your anatomy then followed by HUNG? come on give me strength why! if you want to date and make a connection that is deeper and longer than a quick afternoon special cuddle, then don't start by having a provocative picture and enticing men that are on the prowl. I know I'm making these apps and some users of the apps out to be these evil sex pests but I know plenty of people whom have met and gone on to have long term happy relationships because of them. What I'm saying is that after my long tangent is that we our selfs are the ones that control what message we send out, if you chose to put a half naked picture of your self up saying mates and dates i don't think prince charming is coming in on a horse to rescue you from the block button, but if you make it clear that you are not looking for a quick hook up, but more of a steady paced thing then as they say slowly slowly catchy monkey ( i don't know why they say that).

Enjoy every bit of life if you want to go have fun do it but don't then moan that you're not in a relationship, if your in a relationship and you're playing around on the side grow a pair and tell the other person you have fallen out of love with them but don't string someone else on it's not fair it's deeply hurtful and very distasteful.

Much Love D x

Choosing the best hairstyle for you

Hi Guys and Girls a little write up on Choosing the best hairstyle for you

It can sometimes be hard especially knowing what shape face you have and what styles to avoid and what styles to go for so I have tried to brake it down for you and give you some ideas of face shapes and styles below. Also the age old question of " do you think a fringe will suit me?" 

Knowing your face shape can help you make confident and informed decisions about which hairstyle to choose. To figure it out, pull or comb your hair completely away from your face. Stand in front of a mirror so that you can see your face straight-on, and not at an angle. Use a washable marker, lipstick or anything else that's easily washable, and trace around the edges of your face in the mirror.

Look for ‘round’ facial characteristics. Round faces are characterised by smoothly curved lines and a round chin. The forehead and chin are both a bit wide, with slightly wider cheekbones.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Long, layered bobs that fall just below your chin, edgy layered bobs, fringe, and layered hair that falls to your shoulders.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Curls or waves created with a curling iron, classic updo's with thick side fringe, and long exaggerated fringes.
• Avoid one length, blunt cuts like the classic bob.

If your face is ‘square:-Square faces feature a wide, angular jaw, wide cheekbones, and a broad forehead.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Long, sleek cuts with graduated layers that begin at your jawline, angled bobs with longer hair in the front, asymmetrical and textured layers, and fringes that skim past your eye
• Styles that will flatter your features: Experiment with curls. For updos, try pulling your hair back from your face into a sleek ponytail or bun (this will show off your great jawline).
• Steer clear of blunt-cut fringes and one-length bob hairstyles which highlight your angular jaw rather than downplay it.

If your face is oval :-Oval faces are similar in proportion to round faces, but more elongated. The chin and the forehead are about the same width, with slightly wider cheekbones and smooth lines going down to the chin.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: An oval face shape can usually sustain any sort of haircut. Find your best feature and highlight it with your hairstyle. Great bone structure? Consider an angular bob that complements your chin. Amazing eyes? Blunt or side-swept fringes will draw attention there.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Updo styles like the French twist.

Look for features of a ‘heart-shaped’ face. Heart-shaped faces are defined primarily by a pointy, narrow chin and a wide forehead. Cheekbones can be about the same width as the forehead or slightly wider.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Draw attention away from the chin with side swept fringes or brow-skimming fringes. A short cut is also a good choice. Avoid choppy layers that hit at the chin.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Try a swept-back updo that adds some volume to the top section of your hair.
• Try to avoid a slicked back look that takes away from the volume of your hair.

Consider whether your face is ‘triangle’-shaped. Triangular faces are the exact opposite of heart-shaped faces. This means that they feature a broad, angular jaw that narrows down to a small forehead.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Get a cut that involves big side-swept fringes that taper down to your jawline. Short haircuts with a lot of volume are ideal for triangular faces. You can also choose a long cut, as long as it hits at your collarbone or lower.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Try a loose ponytail that will allow your hair to play around your face.
• Try to avoid slicked back updos that pull your hair away from from your face.

If you have a ‘diamond’ shaped face:-Diamond faces feature broad cheekbones, set off by a narrow chin and forehead.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Try some full, straight fringe and a cut that adds width to your chin area, such as a chin-length bob.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Give a high ponytail or bun a try if you have a fringe. 
• Watch out for styles where you part your hair down the middle or add extra height to the top of your head.  
•  Face is ‘long’. Long faces maintain the same proportion throughout the face. This means that your forehead, cheekbones and chin share about the same narrow width.

• Cuts that will flatter your features: Brow-skimming, side swept fringe or chin-length bobs are ideal for creating the illusion of width. Keep haircuts short, never long because they tend to drag down the face.
• Styles that will flatter your features: Curls and waves work well when adding width.
• Pass up extreme styles and cuts that are longer than the collarbone.

Much love D 

Getting Engaged

Hi Guys and Girls,
So decided to give blogging ago, after many years writing for various publications about life style, fashion, hair & beauty I thought I needed a little outlet to write about more open topics.

I wanted my first blog to be about a recent event in my life, I got engaged to my partner Marc after a number of years being together we finally decided to get engaged. WOW no one told me organising an engagement party would be so difficult! Who knew that its like a small wedding! It was only about a week before that it dawned on me that I have only myself to blame for going all out. Marquees, DJ, Bar, loads of food, up lighters and countless decorations. But this has since lead me to think....…A dangerous thing in its self. Why when it comes to weddings and engagement parties do we turn in to obsessive compulsive beings that need to go all out? It took four weeks of planning for a 5 hour party!

For me being a gay man the idea of being able to officiate my relationship with the person I love is a big deal. With recent law changes allowing us to do so it is a big deal in its self. But when it came down to the party just for the engagement I was like a man on mission. Don't get me wrong I loved every minute of it! But come on matching table decorations co-ordinating bar stool covers with high gloss black bars and matching DJ booth even I had enough of my self.

We do party to mark a land mark in our life it could be birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, births or now divorces and we invite our close friends and family. Yet we still feel the need to make it lavish and jaw dropping. I was a groomzilla no question about it and even I am worried what I will be like when it comes to planning the wedding. For me I felt a massive sense of responsibility that people where traveling from afar (Canada, Wales, Brighton) and had arranged hotels near by to join us on our

special so I felt I had to throw a party that was worth the effort they had made. It honestly sent me in to over drive obsessing over a Buffett and I was adamant that I didn't want a sausage roll and cheese and pineapple sticks. But instead I wanted crab cakes, Palma ham and asparagus with fresh made vegetarian dishes ( never ask Greek about vegetarian food). Because we threw the party at our home I  was in a cleaning frenzy for at least two weeks and cleaning things that no one would take any notice of but me.

I could write so much more on becoming a groomzilla but I think the point I'm making is I obsessed so much and got my self so worked up about making things as perfect as I could that I almost forgot to enjoy the process of what was happening making the most of whole experience of organising and executing it all. But I wouldn't have changed our day for anything, being surrounded by family and friends from near and far, so when planning such a massive hopefully one off life time event stop and enjoy it don't get lost in the smallest details of cleaning skirting boards and cleaning your book shelfs just enjoy the time of everything around you.


Much love D